View Full Version : An interesting experience...

Rick Deckart
09-06-2007, 10:20 AM

http://img.youtube.com/vi/dBmddH3_yXE/default.jpg (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dBmddH3_yXE)

Wasn't sure where to post it but it is well worth a look in my opinion.

Quote: "Bloody Hell!"

Allen Yeh
09-06-2007, 10:33 AM
Cool video reminded me of thie email forward I saved years ago:

My wife is fond of saying that my last words on this
earth will be something akin to, "hey y'all, hold my
beer and watch this!" Well, I have outdone myself once
again. No doubt you will see this true story
chronicled in a LifeTime movie in the near future.
Here goes.

Last weekend I spied something at Larry's Pistol and
Pawn that tickled my fancy. (Note: Keep in mind that
my "fancy" is easily tickled). I bought something
really cool for Toni.

The occasion was our anniversary and I was looking for
a little something extra for my sweet girl. What I
came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized
Tazer gun with a clip. For those of you who are not
familiar with this product, it is a less-than-lethal
stun gun with two metal prongs designed to
incapacitate an assailant with a shock of
high-voltage, low amperage electricity while you flee
to safety. The effects are supposed to be short lived,
with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant,
but allowing you adequate time to retreat to safety.
You simply jab the prongs into your 250 lb. Tattooed
assailant, push the button, and it will render him a
slobbering, goggle-eyed, muscle-twitching, whimpering,
pencil-neck geek. If you've never seen one of these
things in action, then you're truly missing out--way
too cool!

Long story short, I bought the device and brought it
home. I loaded two triple-a batteries in the darn
thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was so
disappointed. Upon reading the directions (we don't
need no stinkin' directions), I found much to my
chagrin that this particular model would not create an
arch between the prongs. How disappointing! I do love
fire for effect. I learned that if I pushed the
button, however, and pressed it against a metal
surface that I'd get the blue arch of electricity
darting back and forth between the prongs that I was
so looking forward to. I did so. Awesome!!! Sparks, a
blue arch of electricity, and a loud pop!!! Yipeeeeee
. I'm easily amused, just for your information, but I
have yet to explain what that burn spot is on the face
of the microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking
to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only
two triple-a batteries, etc., etc. There I sat in my
recliner, my cat looking on intently (trusting little
soul), reading the directions (that would be me, not
Gracie) and thinking that I really needed to try this
thing out on a flesh and blood target. I must admit I
thought about zapping Gracie for a fraction of a
second and thought better of it. She is such a sweet
kitty, after all. But, if I was going to give this
thing to her to protect herself against a mugger, I
did want some assurance that it would work as
advertised. Am I wrong? Was I wrong to think that?
Seemed reasonable to me at the time.

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top
with my reading glasses perched delicately on the
bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, Tazer
in another. The directions said that a one-second
burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a
two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms
and a loss of bodily control; a three-second burst
purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground
like a fish out of water. All the while I'm looking at
this little device (measuring about 5" long, less
than 3/4 inch in circumference, pretty cute really,
and loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries)
thinking to myself, "no friggin' way!" Friggin'
way--trust me, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

What happened next is almost beyond description, but
I'll do my best. Those of you who know me well have
got a pretty good idea of what followed. I'm
sitting there alone, the cat looking on with her head
cocked to one side as to say, "don't do it buddy,"
reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny
lil' ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad (sound,
rational thinking under the circumstances, wouldn't
you agree?). I decided to give myself a one-second
burst just for the hell of it. (Note: You know, a bad
decision is like hindsight--always twenty-twenty. It
is so obvious that it was a bad decision after the
fact, even though it seemed so right at the time.
Don't ya hate that?)

I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the
button, and HOLY **************! DAaaaauuuuuuMN!!!
I'm pretty sure that Jessie Ventura ran in through the
front door, picked me up out of that recliner, then
body slammed me on the carpet over and over again. I
vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal
position, nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be
found, soaking wet, with my left arm tucked under my
body in the oddest position. the cat was standing over
me making meowing sounds I had never heard before,
licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to herself, "do
it again, do it again!" (Note: If you ever feel
compelled to mug yourself with a Tazer, one note of
caution. There is no such thing as a one-second burst
when you zap yourself. You're not going to let go of
that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a
violent thrashing about on the floor. Then, if
you're lucky, you won't dislodge one of the prongs
1/4" deep in your thigh like yours truly.)
SON-OF-A-***** that hurt! A minute or so later (I
be sure, as time was a relative thing at this point),
I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up
and surveyed the landscape. My reading glasses were on
the mantel of the fireplace. How did they get there???
My triceps, right thigh and both titties were still
twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with
Novocain, as my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. give or
take an ounce or two, I'm pretty sure.

By the way, has anyone seen my testicles? I think they
ran away. I'm offering a reward. They're round,
rather large, kinda hairy, and handsome if I must say
so myself.

Miss 'em . . .sure would like to get 'em back.

NOTE TO MEN: DO NOT buy your wife a Tazer gun. NOTE TO
WOMEN: Buy lots of batteries . . think of the

This message is provided to you as a public service to
illustrate that stupid should hurt, and most assuredly
always does in my case. Have a nice day!"