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Yael Grauer
01-17-2007, 05:14 PM
So I was at the gym doing front squats today when a stranger told me I should only do quarter squats because I'll hurt my knees, and I shouldn't clean the bar up because it's dangerous, and on and on. So I told him I wasn't looking for training from him right now and walked away, but then I was thinking that this didn't really solve anything. He still thinks he's right and now he's gonna give me dirty looks next time I see him because I made him look dumb in front of his friend.

So that's when I thought of this brilliant idea I have. Squat tracts! I'm sure some of you are familiar with "Chick tracts," these little tiny booklets people leave all over town because they're too embarrassed to try to convert people to their face. If you're not, go to http://www.chick.com/default.asp for all you need to know.

I mean, all I'd need to do is carry a bunch of these, and then next time a well-intentioned man tries to give me unsolicited training advice, all I'd have to do is say, "Here you go." Only instead of referring to the Bible, I could refer to some training manual somewhere. Instead of quoting the Gospels, I could quote some coaches or something.

The only problem is that I can't draw, so I'm looking for some help here. Any volunteer cartoonists?

Mike ODonnell
01-17-2007, 06:16 PM
I like just asking the person "Have you been saved by the Lord?..."....they all tend to walk away then.

Yael Grauer
01-17-2007, 06:18 PM
I like just asking the person "Have you been saved by the Lord?..."....they all tend to walk away then.

Oh, c'mon, OD! Instead of having them walk away, you could bring TRUTH and LIGHT to the gymnasium. Plus, I thought it'd be funny.

Steve Shafley
01-17-2007, 07:29 PM
Yael,

That's awesome. I love it.

Chick tracts are seriously bonkers. They give me much amusement.

Elliot Royce
01-17-2007, 07:35 PM
Next time he approaches, take a leaf from Slap Shot and say [action in parens]: "actually when it hurts I just drop it [unrack the bar onto him] and then I just pick it up and sweep it up like this [catch him on the chin as you clean or snatch the bar]. If he's still standing, he'll scuttle away.

Mike ODonnell
01-17-2007, 08:04 PM
As long as they have to sit 1/4 squat in the lake of fire for all their wickedness.....that and a room of all leg extension machines for eternity

Yuen Sohn
01-17-2007, 08:11 PM
Great idea Yael. You could make a fortune with these.

...a stranger told me I should only do quarter squats because I'll hurt my knees, and I shouldn't clean the bar up because it's dangerous, and on and on

Next time he says this, just tell him that "Danger" is your middle name. Then proceed to beat him up and steal his lunch money.

Yael Grauer
01-17-2007, 08:26 PM
LOL! Y'all are so mean!! I mostly just felt guilty because his friend was laughing at him so hard, and because he'll be doing squats wrong forever unless he picks up one of my Squat Tracts.

Allison Barns
01-29-2007, 10:19 PM
Yael - You need a "Lift Like A Girl" T-shirt (from USAWeightlifting.org) .... I can't wait for mine to arrive (yes -it's PINK!) :D

Yael Grauer
01-29-2007, 11:06 PM
Yael - You need a "Lift Like A Girl" T-shirt (from USAWeightlifting.org) .... I can't wait for mine to arrive (yes -it's PINK!) :D

SWEET! I want one. I've also been hearing rumours of pink boxing gloves and purple ab wheels...

One of the guys I train with (who has spent hours and hours helping me get my punches solid) has a shirt that says "shut up and squat." Love it.

Allen Yeh
01-30-2007, 04:23 AM
I like just asking the person "Have you been saved by the Lord?..."....they all tend to walk away then.

True story:

My friend and I were walking to class on Physics on campus and we were befriended by a person trying to get us to go to his faith group. My friend looks at him with a completely straight face and says "No thanks I worship Odin."

him:"Odin?"

friend: "Yes, Odin the All-Father, father of Thor the King of Asgard"

him: "Isn't that a pagan religion?"

friend: "What's wrong with being a pagan? Our church got permits to kill chickens for their blood."

him: Too flabbergasted to say anything else, kind of mumbles something about some class and runs off like we had the Black Plague.



"

Ron Nelson
01-30-2007, 12:33 PM
Don't know what to say about the squats, but I just ordered a shitload of the "5 Lies Satan Tells Teens" tracts. Gonna make my daughters read them, then pass them out at school.
Popularity, here they come.

As a side note, I hate it when you people do all your squats in the curl rack.

Pisses me off to no end.

Jeremy Jones
01-30-2007, 04:29 PM
You do curls in my stretching machine?!


Damn. It's because of people like you. . .

Ron Nelson
01-30-2007, 06:09 PM
You do curls in my stretching machine?!


Damn. It's because of people like you. . .

I have no time to respond to you. . .here, read this. . .