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Old 05-30-2012, 03:25 AM   #81
Allen Yeh
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I walked a couple miles today at a very slow pace; probably a couple miles. Not that this counts for anything but fasted walks are fun.
Counts for more than sitting around and NOT doing the walk, right?

Since being back from country I've been trying to make more of a point to walk everyday even if it's for 10 minutes on top of my regular workouts. Right now I'm working from home taking care of my wife but when I was in the office I found the walks really helped me refocus.
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Old 05-30-2012, 10:16 PM   #82
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I guess walking is slightly better than nothing. I did an hour of weeding between yesterday and today, too, but not exactly a workout.

An hour of BJJ today; intermediate class. We worked on arm drags to singles, then an armbar from half-spider guard, and another armbar variation, plus some positional drills from half guard with grips. I really need to find a new way to get rid of my pent-up rage because 10 minutes of positional drilling after a slow-ass BJJ class ain't cutting it. I just can't seem to commit to and stick to a program... can never make up my mind what I want to do. At least we have a really kick-ass guest instructor teaching for a while in a couple weeks, with advanced class open to everyone, so I may actually work up a sweat and even have to wash my gi after class. I think even if things were perfect I'd still be all pissy. I have like 10 infuriating things happen to me every single day. And I am just one pissed off gal.

Food today was some leftover rotisserie chicken, the leftover shrimp/tomato stuff, 3 brats and some kraut for dinner, and a handful of dates.
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Old 05-31-2012, 11:46 PM   #83
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I only got like 4 hours of sleep b/c I had to drive Todd to the airport this morning, and I couldn't fall asleep again after I got home... so I did a half-assed workout with kettlebell swings and some TRX stuff. I didn't do any BJJ because honestly I am going to stop trying to put myself through that. I really need to figure out a way to get real rolling in. I keep meaning to talk to my coach but he is sometimes teaching or talking to people or traveling with people who are competing, etc. I think I may switch to the day classes, which I hear are more intense; there's 3 days of AM classes and 2 days of just drilling. And this is just for 2 weeks until I get a few months of intense training, thank GOD. And I'm gonna do another month at the powerlifting gym starting tomorrow.

Food was okay I guess...leftover chicken, 2 strawberries, and then I was supposed to write about this restaurant's new dinner menu so I ordered the most Paleo thing I could find, which was sausage and mustard greens (so far so good) and cheesy grits. Ugh. But I turned down the bread and free flourless chocolate torte, so I guess it's not too bad in the scheme of things.

I am just really struggling lately because I have SO much stress for a bunch of reasons right now and haven't figured out how to actually make my workouts be an outlet for that stress (in fact, going to classes where i can't roll causes MORE stress) and I really want to stop trying to use food to deal with things, so it's like I have no release valve. Plus I keep getting food assignments which are hard to do Paleo and that makes things more challenging. Oh and I probably didn't eat enough today.
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Old 06-02-2012, 07:58 PM   #84
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Little sleep and no workout yesterday b/c of work (and other things), but the good news is I have a new column up at Sherdog, which I'm super psyched about.

Today I did an open mat; hard to get people to roll with but I found maybe like 6 or 7 guys and probably about that many were too busy talking or taking a break or something. My gym is so damn frustrating sometimes. Can't wait 'til the 14th!

My diet has been pretty good, except that it hasn't been good at all since I got assigned 3 bakeries to review. I did find a delicious Paleo cupcake at one of them! But I had baked goods at the others.

I'm pretty frustrated that my work means I have to eat food I don't want and stay up when I don't want, but that's how it is right now, and I'll just have to try to control what I can control, I guess.

I am also thinking of getting acupuncture for liver blood stagnation or whatever it is because I am literally frustrated by everything right now, so I think it might be me instead of these infuriating external circumstances. Or at least a combination.
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Old 06-03-2012, 11:39 PM   #85
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Sunday: no workout (unless weeding counts, hah), but I have a plan! I am going to do this Gold Medal Bodies basic plan and am getting rings and everything. I think that makes more sense than rejoining the powerlifting gym and trying to lift heavy during the month were I will actually get to do hardcore BJJ.

Food was okay, I had eggs benedict and I had coq a vin and I had chocolate. I did get a ton of really delicious Paleo groceries and spent more than I wanted to. But it's okay. I tried to go to a normal people grocery store, but it was so depressing, so I went to TJ's. I think I just need to accept that I will always spent tons of money on food. But trying to figure out how to get off the rollercoaster where I have to do food blogging for quick cash to pay for groceries, which means that I have to write reviews of bakeries and crap. LOL. Maybe I can write about food classes or something instead of waiting for assignments; I don't know. I'll figure it out. I don't think not spending tons on food is really an option for me. But I think farmer's market produce will be cheaper and less crappy than TJ's, so I'll try to test out that theory.
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Old 06-04-2012, 09:12 PM   #86
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My food was just about perfect today. Eggs and bacon for breakfast, a really great tuna avocado salad for lunch, and then I made mahi mahi with carrots and green onions for dinner. Snack was a handful of marcona almonds from TJ's, and they have a bit of oil and salt and rosemary and are so delicious. Oh and I had a small handful of dried apricots.

Workout... I went to the intermediate BJJ class. We worked on my least favorite lesson ever; armbars and triangle variations from guard. I honestly think I will never ever go for armbars and triangles from guard because I'm 5'4. If I'm in guard, I just want to sweep. I was thinking this might be because I'm not good at armbars and triangles, but I'm not good at omoplatas, and yet I want to practice those, because I think they're actually useful for short people. I guess there's something to be said about knowing everything, but it's hard to be invested in a technique I can't see myself using.

I think the other thing that bugs me about our improvised training regimens in class is that it's such an artificial setting. I was thinking about this a lot, like about what bugs me so much in class, and a lot of it is in the coaching. Like say I'm rolling with a blue belt and he tells me my armbar isn't tight or something when we're doing a choreographed drill series at 50%, and then I do it again and it works... well, maybe my armbar improved. Or maybe he just wasn't resisting the second time. Or maybe I was trying to do what I did the 2nd time the 1st time but my angle was wrong.

I mean, I feel like there's this obvious temptation to believe that my armbar improved the second time because then I feel like a good student and he feels like a helpful, chivalrous dude. But the only fucking way to know if my armbars improved is to roll and set it up when someone's not expecting it. Or at least drill against more than 50% resistance with someone who's not trying to coach the whole time.

I kind of had the feeling that my pissiness lately is really deeper than me being bored and getting tired of people trying to coach me.

I mean, it is beyond like, me being annoyed at someone coaching to cover for the fact that I had a choke on right, or them being annoyed because they think I don't want to accept feedback from people trying to help me, or me rolling my eyes at my coach because he's correcting me on something I was doing properly (but he didn't watch closely enough), or a coach getting annoyed at me because I just want to get my heart rate up instead of doing something the right way.

It's about me wanting to really learn and internalize a living, breathing art which I originally decided to pursue because it's legitimate, because there is RESISTANCE and SPEED and improvisation. I don't want to rely on external sources to tell me how I'm doing; I want to look at data and you get data by competing. Or by rolling live with people who are trying to beat you instead of trying to coach. Or by drilling against resistance. I get that this is just building block shit right now but that doesn't make me any less annoyed.

The good news is that my coach said I could stay and roll after class with other people in the class who aren't staying for advanced, so I got an extra 30 minute roll in.
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Old 06-05-2012, 06:15 AM   #87
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I am just really struggling lately because I have SO much stress for a bunch of reasons right now and haven't figured out how to actually make my workouts be an outlet for that stress.
I am so feeling you right now on this... I do at least get to roll to relieve some stress but the rest of it is just an f'ed up mess at the moment.
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Old 06-05-2012, 06:22 AM   #88
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I have a friend who is a blue belt and she is also around 5'4" she has said several of the same things to me that you just wrote about. I don't know what it is like to go through what you are dealing with at the academy but I hope that you can find peace and enjoy it for what it is without the stress.
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Old 06-05-2012, 10:10 AM   #89
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Heh, thanks, Derek! I think things will be less stressful for me in a couple months once I'm done paying off the debt I racked up traveling, lol.

What did your friend say that I wrote about?

I guess I'm trying to sort of figure out what all of the different issues are. I think the hardest part is that I am so sick of people trying to coach me when we're supposed to be rolling or drilling. There are a few who are actually helpful and they're usually really small purple belts and they say stuff in a few sentences.

Other than them, though, I feel like I can't even go to a class without hearing 20 minute lectures about people's theories about BJJ instead of actually doing BJJ.

It's not even about the gender dynamic--e.g. noticing that a lot of men can't be around women without telling them what to do...and a lot of the time that's not about them wanting to teach me anything but about them wanting to hear themselves talk... ...and I'm sure from their perspective they're like, "I'm just trying to be helpful and this girl's such a bitch," which is probably also true some of the time, haha.

I guess in my life right now I have to listen to people and try to make sense of their theories all day long and at the gym I just want to do work. At least in the hard classes people tell you their theories while you are actually doing something instead of stopping to demonstrate and getting upset if I don't act appropriately enthused.

And I don't want to argue with 225-lb. guys about why I'm not working for an armbar from guard. Or why I decided to go for a collar choke instead of a rear-naked choke (hint: because when you spaz out, I can keep the collar grip in.) I honestly think it's pretty insulting for people to point out things I could do while I roll, like I can't trust my own instincts or something. I mean, I can't even imagine stopping someone mid-roll and saying, "Why aren't you going for xyz here? You totally had it." Even when I roll with new people (er, new girls since my coach won't allow girls to roll with guys under 2 stripes) and give them pointers, I usually just say, "remember the elbow escape?" or remind them to get underhooks or whatnot, I don't sit there and say, "Okay, go for an armbar. I'll stop resisting. It's drill time now." I hate people.

This is honestly the best gym I've ever trained at, though, so this may be more reflective of my own personal issues than anything.

At least my coach is letting me roll after class now, even if I'm not yet allowed to do the classes I wanted which he said I could do.
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Old 06-05-2012, 11:28 AM   #90
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She didn't read what you wrote she said the same sort of things to me. She felt like everyone tried to coach her and that being significantly smaller made things disproportionately harder. She also felt like our instructor was constantly telling her to focus on the basics.
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