Why do you hate the bench press?
There are a few classes of people who "hate" the bench press, they tend to be:
1. Those with a poor bench press, poundage-wise.
2. Those with a poor bench press, form-wise.
3. Those whom accumulate injuries when bench pressing.
Fixing #2 often fixes #3 and and lets you work on #1.
The general problem is ego, though. How hard could it be to bench press? It's the most commonly performed exercise in gyms across the U.S. So, when you get people getting injured in the bench, or not being able to do the bench well or heavily, then many just drop it and use the old "it's not functional" excuse.
Rippetoe gives you the most compelling reason to perform the bench press in Starting Strength, and that is simply that it engages the most musculature in the upper body, and is easy to add weight to.
I don't see dips having a whole lot of application in the real world, or squats, or snatches, or many other exercises.
The problem that arises when you start to talk about functionality, is that a function needs to be defined, otherwise you are just using buzzwords with no substance behind them.