If nothing else putting it out there in writing helps to deal with it.
We all have ego and it is hard sometimes to deal with the simple things. Your wife is right and so are you it is a journey. There are a couple of guys on here with a lot darker belts than mine so I hope they chime in.
When I first started training it would bother me when I got subbed and I would try and use my strength to get out of them. Now if someone catches me and they do I will tap and try to learn from it. Someone told me or I read that every time you get tapped you should ask the person to show you how they did it. I also try to bring my attitude of gratitude to the mat and tell people upfront that I appreciate them training with me.
There is one guy at our academy who weighs around 260 and when we roll no-gi if I let him get away from me he just absolutely dominates me. He can basically sub me at will. I still roll with him whenever we are there together and I look at it as a challenge.
What we think, or what we know, or what we believe, is in the end, of little consequence. The only thing of consequence is what we do. -John Ruskin