I don't understand what's wrong with sparring with the intent to win. I spar with the intent to win and I lose all the time and the world keeps spinning. But I mean, as long as you don't get unhinged
and lose sleep over it if you don't win, or act like a jerk when you do, why is it wrong to want to win?
I like the Art of the Tap
article and working with one's partner instead of against them but I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to win. In fact, what's REALLY annoying is people who you can tell secretly want to win but they pretend they're all enlightened and don't care. They are the ones that will stop in the middle of the roll and start coaching if they are losing, or will use all possible strength after going way too easy if you catch 'em in a mistake. I think being honest about it is a lot healthier than being passive aggressive.
Sometimes I roll to win, sometimes I'm working on a specific skill or position, sometimes I am working to help a newbie improve their game, sometimes I just want to not think. It's all good.