My Advice, try them all and find which ones you enjoy and seem the most real. To be effective for self defence youíre going to have to spend at lot of time on any art, maybe years, so if you or your wife don't enjoy what you are doing no matter how good it is for self defence, you are not going to put that time in.
Really don't understand this view about not going to the ground in a self defence situation. Of course you don't want to go to the ground, but this is self defence when anything can happen, so you need to be prepared for that eventuality.
From my experience in a number of arts I would go for arts that have a high focus on live training (sparring) against resistant opponents. Itís the only way to know what works or does not work for you.
"To know things as they are is better than to believe things as they seem."