I'm familiar with the board and I know I'll get responses other than doing the WOD and eating Zone, neither of which I'm interested in doing at this stage.
So are you saying you don't want to even venture towards a healthy diet? Because no matter what you do on any device or with any weight, if your diet sucks, you are going to stay unhealthy.
I'll skip the option 1 and 2. You could lose a couple hundred pounds doing nothing other than going for a walk every morning and eating correctly. How do I know this? 5 people on the plan I just outlined to date have lost a combined 500+ pounds. No CrossFit, no WODs. Just going for a walk (which by the way is a body-weight exercise) and eating correctly.
Stop kidding yourself, its your diet that got you in the state you are in.