LMAO you guys and gals are killing me!!!
Speaking of homeopathic... the last cold I had was nasty. I bought some Zicam nasal spray at the drug store after reading a few studies on Medline about the brew.
I opened the bottle, primed the pump and test fired a stream onto the bathroom mirror. It reminded me of popping a large Doritos cultivated zit back in my high school yesteryears (no Cordain books back then). Next I rammed the 1 inch Zicam nozzle up my left nostril, gave it the strongest muscle-up fueled squeeze pump I could muster and snorted deeply like it was the last line of Columbian llello on the planet. Before the sting kicked in I launched a volley of the slime up my right nostril similarly. I refer you please to the word sting in that last sentence. To be more accurate, I should have replaced the word “sting” with the phrase “sting the likes of which one dozen Africanized killer wasps could only hope to rival.” My already inflamed mucus membranes responded in a manner that reminded me of my Thailand-traveled friend as he recounted his first herpetic outbreak, which he attempted to treat with dilute bleach as described one of the local head shrinkers.
The next day, after my antihistamine induced stupor had cleared, I read the instructions clearly explaining one should not snort Zicam, rather just squirt it gently in the bottom portion of your nostrils.
After that occasion, I swore that subsequent experiences with homeopathic treatments would be limited to diluting Scotch in water.