I just skimmed your post, so forgive me if I missed a lot. But it sounds to me like the solution is very simple: stop doing crossfit.
You're at a point where you're having to change the workouts so much that it's going to be more work than just creating your own program.
I would suggest working with one of those good personal trainers for a few sessions to get a solid eval period, and then pay them to write you a program, and go back and check in with them once a month or so to reassess and update programming.
Definitely take advantage of a Hatch affiliate.