My food was just about perfect today. Eggs and bacon for breakfast, a really great tuna avocado salad for lunch, and then I made mahi mahi with carrots and green onions for dinner. Snack was a handful of marcona almonds from TJ's, and they have a bit of oil and salt and rosemary and are so delicious. Oh and I had a small handful of dried apricots.
Workout... I went to the intermediate BJJ class. We worked on my least favorite lesson ever; armbars and triangle variations from guard. I honestly think I will never ever go for armbars and triangles from guard because I'm 5'4. If I'm in guard, I just want to sweep. I was thinking this might be because I'm not good at armbars and triangles, but I'm not good at omoplatas, and yet I want to practice those, because I think they're actually useful for short people. I guess there's something to be said about knowing everything, but it's hard to be invested in a technique I can't see myself using.
I think the other thing that bugs me about our improvised training regimens in class is that it's such an artificial setting. I was thinking about this a lot, like about what bugs me so much in class, and a lot of it is in the coaching. Like say I'm rolling with a blue belt and he tells me my armbar isn't tight or something when we're doing a choreographed drill series at 50%, and then I do it again and it works... well, maybe my armbar improved. Or maybe he just wasn't resisting the second time. Or maybe I was trying to do what I did the 2nd time the 1st time but my angle was wrong.
I mean, I feel like there's this obvious temptation to believe that my armbar improved the second time because then I feel like a good student and he feels like a helpful, chivalrous dude. But the only fucking way to know if my armbars improved is to roll and set it up when someone's not expecting it. Or at least drill against more than 50% resistance with someone who's not trying to coach the whole time.
I kind of had the feeling that my pissiness lately is really deeper than me being bored and getting tired of people trying to coach me.
I mean, it is beyond like, me being annoyed at someone coaching to cover for the fact that I had a choke on right, or them being annoyed because they think I don't want to accept feedback from people trying to help me, or me rolling my eyes at my coach because he's correcting me on something I was doing properly (but he didn't watch closely enough), or a coach getting annoyed at me because I just want to get my heart rate up instead of doing something the right way.
It's about me wanting to really learn and internalize a living, breathing art which I originally decided to pursue because it's legitimate, because there is RESISTANCE and SPEED and improvisation. I don't want to rely on external sources to tell me how I'm doing; I want to look at data and you get data by competing. Or by rolling live with people who are trying to beat you instead of trying to coach. Or by drilling against resistance. I get that this is just building block shit right now but that doesn't make me any less annoyed.
The good news is that my coach said I could stay and roll after class with other people in the class who aren't staying for advanced, so I got an extra 30 minute roll in.