I have a friend who is a blue belt and she is also around 5'4" she has said several of the same things to me that you just wrote about. I don't know what it is like to go through what you are dealing with at the academy but I hope that you can find peace and enjoy it for what it is without the stress.
What we think, or what we know, or what we believe, is in the end, of little consequence. The only thing of consequence is what we do. -John Ruskin