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Old 12-30-2007, 05:37 AM   #11
Jay Cohen
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Susie;
Great post. Now I need to work on my Watcher.
Thanks, and have a great Sunday.
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Old 12-30-2007, 08:52 AM   #12
Mike ODonnell
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I think anger stems from our expecting one reaction from someone....and getting someone we did not want from them....or a feeling of loss of control. Which is silly because we can't control how people act no matter what we want, and if we spend all our time worrying about how to control others to make it fit our expectation...then we will always have anger. The watcher metaphor is a good one, or just become aware of your actions, feelings and how they are influenced by others.

If I see someone walking along with the baggage of anger to pass off to me....I say "no thank you" in my head and smile back, they can keep their baggage. If everyone they met had no interest in their anger eventually they might even get tired and realize what they are carrying around, only then they will decide to drop it.
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Old 12-30-2007, 09:12 AM   #13
Kevin Perry
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Originally Posted by Susie Rosenberg View Post
I worked in retail in high school, I waited tables in college, I know how bad it can be! Getting stiffed on tips, having customers throw merchandise anywhere they want...yuck, the whole gamut of unpleasant, rude, nasty, awful behavior.

The Buddhists call those people "patience teachers."

When you get an unpleasant interaction going, try and think of it as the Universe putting a learning experience before you. It's an opportunity to try a different response, grow a little, get a little stronger, more flexible.

The only way to do that is to cultivate a Watcher. Some part of you that stands apart from the emotions and watches, as if it were a movie playing on a screen. Once you can stand outside the emotions, they won't rule you. You have more choices about how to respond. Your Watcher should have an open, easy relationship to those pesky emotions. "Hello, righteous anger. I know you. I can see why you're aroused right now, but it's time to be at ease..."

I've had a ton of serious health issues to deal with in family members this year, and it's how I deal with my anxiety. I don't try to deny what I'm feeling, but by standing back from it, it doesn't overwhelm me.

Good luck with your job situation.

Susie
Thats a good way of looking at it.
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Old 01-06-2008, 10:06 AM   #14
Mike ODonnell
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Susie;
Great post. Now I need to work on my Watcher.
Thanks, and have a great Sunday.
I am reading the book "The Power of Now" and it goes over the whole watcher philosophy, an excellent read for those that are interested in separating yourself from your ego (which is usually your worst enemy)
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Old 01-06-2008, 11:08 AM   #15
Jay Cohen
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I am reading the book "The Power of Now" and it goes over the whole watcher philosophy, an excellent read for those that are interested in separating yourself from your ego (which is usually your worst enemy)

Mike;
Thanks for the suggested read. I'll add it to my Amazon Wish List.
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Old 01-06-2008, 01:30 PM   #16
Allison Barns
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Kevin,

Unfortunately whereas you have great insight on how these folks would be healthier without the drink you are making, they are there for the drink, not advice. I agree with all the zen/let it go stuff posted above. I especially agree with what Mike and Scotty said about smiling at them despite their attitude.... it works! In my field (fisheries biologist for the government ... "I'm from the gov't, I'm here to help" ) I have had several occasions where an IRATE fisherman was screaming at me over things I had no control over and I had to just let them rant. The most notable situation was an early morning out on a cold dock when my job was counting salmon coming off each boat. Well, the commercial fishing season had closed way earlier than projected and these guys were pissed. One guy came up on the dock and yelled at me for a good 15 minutes, all the while I had to keep count of the fish coming off his boat. I nearly lost it when some of his verbal attacks got personal, but I kept smiling and saying things to the effect of "I understand you are upset" (and counting fish!). Suddenly he stopped and asked me my name. I hestitated but I told him my first name. He then went into a profuse apology and said he understood I was just doing my job but he was really upset. We then continued in a civil conversation. He needed to rant, I was the closest target and he let go on me. He also brought me some very welcomed hot coffee later that morning!

Sucks to be the target but sometimes it's best to let them get their piece out. Just do your best to NOT take it personally, and like Dr. G said, shake it off!

Last edited by Allison Barns : 01-06-2008 at 01:32 PM. Reason: grammar!
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Old 01-06-2008, 02:17 PM   #17
Jay Cohen
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Kevin,
Sucks to be the target but sometimes it's best to let them get their piece out. Just do your best to NOT take it personally, and like Dr. G said, shake it off!
I'm in agreement with you, up to the point of their piece coming out. If it's bigger then my piece, I'm high tailing.....

Nice post though.
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